Back in May, I wouldn't have minded dying. I realized this while I was sitting next to my wife on a beautiful sunny day and still felt alone and miserable.
I don't know if I have the energy to always feel this way... I thought to myself.
While the physical threat of Covid-19 is real and has affected millions of individuals, what has received less attention is the emotional threat that Covid-19 has caused as a byproduct of trying to prevent the physical damage.
Isolation led to loneliness.
Loneliness led to insecurities.
Insecurities led to depression.
Depression led to laziness.
Laziness led to feeling miserable.
Feeling miserable led to asking the question...
Do I even want to be here anymore?
This is a question that many individuals—especially those a part of the younger generation— wrestle with. According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychology, "Suicide is the second leading cause of death for children, adolescents, and young adults age 15-to-24-year-olds (source here)."
I would argue from personal experience that there are exponentially more who wrestle with the question "Do I Even Want To Be Here" than who actually kill themselves. Because of this, I want to help hurting people find hope. I have created this blog so that both Christians and Non-Christians can find hope.
While I am not an expert on the subject, I am certified in Mental Health First Aid and have been studying and walking with individuals who battle mental illness for four years. Along with this, I speak from a place of experience. I myself have wrestled with every single one of these lies.
*If You Are Contemplating Killing Yourself, Please Call 800-273-8255 or 911 And Receive Professional Help.*
1) I Am A Mistake
What Does Science Say?: Scientists believe the probability of YOU being born is 1 in 400 trillion (source here). You were not accidentally created. YOU were that ONE worthy of a chance at life. You were given a 1 in 400 trillion chance to make it here and you did. There are zero mistakes about it. Even if your parents were not planning on conceiving, it is a blessing that you were chosen to represent the 400 trillion as a living being.
What Does God Say?: "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:13-16, NIV)."
God chose YOU to represent a small part of HIM on this planet. He crafted you perfectly for the role He destined you to fulfill. God does not make mistakes (see here).
You. Are. Not. A. Mistake.
2) I Am A Failure
What Does Science Say?: We would never grow without failing. In fact "Scientific progress is built on failure (source here). Failing provides us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes or shortcomings and grow in ways we never thought were possible. Without failure, there can be no progress.
What Does God Say?: "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV)."
Our failures do not define us, but they do provide us with an opportunity to grow, learn, and become a better version of ourselves.
3) People Don't Like Me
What Does Science Say?: "You may not get a second chance at making a first impression — but a recent study suggests that you probably don’t need one anyway. The research, published in the journal Psychological Science, finds that people often underestimate how much another person likes them after they meet for the first time (source here)." In other terms, we often are our own worst critic—I know I am. I battle this lie every single day. Sometimes I will say or do something and then stress about how it was received for the rest of the week. The truth is people like us more than we realize. Because bullying is still a serious issue (source here), we must surround ourselves with people who are going to encourage us and help us drown out the loud noises that are suffocating us.
What Does God Say?: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16, NIV)."
God loves YOU so much, that He sent His own flesh to die. Because of this, He encourages us to find friends who stand with us at all times (see Proverbs 17:17).
4) I Will Always Feel This Way
What Does Science Say?: "When you’re at your lowest point, it’s hard to imagine ever feeling better. Sometimes you might not even remember what life was like before you started experiencing the signs of mental illness. It’s easy to feel hopeless and wonder: “Am I just going to feel this way forever? People’s experiences vary. Some struggle for a little while and then never experience symptoms of mental illness again. Others struggle off and on throughout their lives. Some people fight a near-constant battle with mental illness. There’s really no way to tell which of these will be you. All you can do is focus on how to address the symptoms you’re experiencing now. (source here).”
What Does God Say?: Psalms is written in part by King David—an individual who clearly battled depression and thoughts of suicide. One chapter of Psalms is filled with agony while the next is filled with joy and surrender to God. God promises us that the suffering we are experiencing now is in no comparison to the glory we will receive later (see Romans 8:18). God also promises us this Truth about Heaven: "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away (Revelation 2:14, NIV)."
You won't always feel this way. You will have moments and seasons of misery, but take heart! For God has overcome those moments (see John 16:33).
So, What Now?
If you are battling ANY of these lies, please reach out to me. You do not need to fight this battle alone. If you are considering or planning on killing yourself, please contact help immediately (800-273-8255 or 911).