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All Jokes Aside... I'm Hilarious

When life gives you lemons, ask for Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans. Well, folks, life is definitely giving us lemons right now. But life is too short to spend time worrying about the future. I figured I would share a few stories so that we could laugh at my past... together.


As one of my favorite actors Heath Ledger famously quoted: Here. We. Go.

 

1) Facebook Told Me To:

I was seventeen years old when Facebook did me dirty. I hate admitting how old I was while retelling this story, but I feel it is best to share everything so my siblings don't add their own details. I was up in my room watching Facebook videos when I stumbled upon a picture that read the following:

I was hooked. My iPod was running low on batter that very moment. I ran down the stairs, popped open the microwave, set the timer to sixty seconds, AND...


Watched the microwave "explode."


Explode is an exaggeration, but it's only because my dad told me to turn off the microwave ten seconds in that the damage wasn't worse. Smoke was pouring out of the microwave and the door was damaged. We ended up having to replace the microwave not too long after that. I can speak from experience when I say that "because it is on Facebook," doesn't make it true... Unfortunately, my iPod broke and is gone forever. Rest in Power, my friend.

 

2) You Mean the Garage Wall isn't a part of the Parking Space?

Every fifteen-year-old is aching to begin driving. This was no different for me. I was itching to get behind the wheel so I could grab a Big Mac whenever I wanted.


One afternoon, my mom and I were driving through the neighborhood and getting ready to pull into the garage of our home. She turned to me and said, "be careful when you pull in."


That was the last I heard from her before the scream.


After giving me the warning, my mom bent down to grab the groceries. I proceeded to drive into the garage and kept driving... waiting until she told me to stop and park. It wasn't until I ran through the wall of our house at the back of the garage that I realized I didn't stop in time. My mom jolted her head up and looked at me in horror. Her baby boy had just run through the back of the house. My dad came running into the garage with his hands over his head.


You know "the look" your parents give you when there aren't any words to describe how they are feeling? I was hardcore receiving that look right now... from both parents.


My dad slammed the door and went inside the house without saying anything. I kept telling my mom, "Please don't make me go inside. I will do anything, but please, please don't make me go inside. If we really think about it, mama, it was your fault for not paying attention..."


That last part didn't sit well with my mother, who was trying to be calm since my dad was about to scream his head off. Don't worry, I survived... barely.

 

3) Spaghetti for Dinner?

Marissa and I married relatively young for our generation. I'm using my age as an excuse but after three years of marriage, I still haven't learned how to cook very many things... except spaghetti.


I didn't start my job until two weeks after we got married. Marissa started just a few days after. Because of this, I was in charge of making dinner for the two of us. The first few nights I chose easy meals: Frozen Pizzas and Chicken Tenders. Tonight, however, I would spice it up.

I was going to make spaghetti.


For most sane people, spaghetti is a fairly simple dinner meal to prepare. But if you have made it this far into the stories, then you know I am far from sane.


I grabbed the unopened box of spaghetti, boiled some water, and threw the entire box into the pot. I soon began to realize that I had possibly made too much spaghetti for two people. Apparently, you don't need an entire box. Marissa couldn't stop laughing when she got home. We had dinner and then placed the leftovers in three zip-lock-bags and put them in the fridge. We had enough spaghetti for an entire week's worth of meals.


 

I know I am not the only one who does crazy, stupid things. I resonate with John in his Gospel as he talks about all of the amazing, crazy things Jesus did during His time on earth: "I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written (John 21:25, NIV)."


The point is this: Don't let the circumstances going on in the world stop you from laughing. Even if I have to throw myself under the bus so that you can laugh during this time, I pray it helped. However, I'd love for someone to join me so I am not alone.


What is something stupid you have done during your lifetime? Let me know so I can laugh along with you!



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